Update #2: Don’t Go Anywhere

“You can go home…Just don’t go anywhere yet.”

The cardiologist cleared me to be discharged on Thursday, and the hospitalist agreed to discharge me on Saturday. I am, of course, ready to go home. Who wouldn’t be after seven straight nights in the hospital? So, you’re probably wondering why I’m still in the hospital, right?

Insurance: Frustration of Frustrations

The reason I am still in the hospital is that my discharge is conditional upon having a medical device, known as a Life Vest. I will have to wear this vest 24/7 for at least the next 2–3 months to monitor my heart rhythm and, if necessary, shock me back into a normal rhythm. However, as necessary as this device is, we are still waiting on the insurance to approve it. They say that it will be at least tomorrow before we have an answer, but it could be even later before we have final approval. It’s incredibly frustrating, but the more we try to speed up the process, the more we realize there is nothing we can do.

At first, I considered leaving against medical advice. I was ready to be out of here and did not care to wait for this device that I may or may not need. However, this device is necessary—despite how good I actually feel and the fact that there’s nothing more the hospital can do to treat me—because my condition is pretty serious. The nurses (and my parents) have been begging me,

“Don’t go anywhere.”

My mom has also said the exact same thing to me every time she has left my room. She points to me and, in her stern, motherly voice says, “Don’t go anywhere.”

My dad started explaining that I can’t possibly go anywhere because I don’t have a ride, and I’m too weak to walk anywhere. I told him, “I don’t think that’s what she’s talking about.”

She has been saying this to me since my very first day here, and I have always understood her to mean, “Stay alive. I expect you to still be here when I get back.”

I have a great amount of peace in my condition, which I will discuss tomorrow in my next post. However, I have no plans to “go anywhere,” knowing—as Paul did—that there is still work to be done.

“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.” (Philippians 1:21–26)